


my heart is yours (always was and will be)

by something_soft_and_soaked_in_pain



Series: reserve the right to love [1]
Category: Hamilton-Miranda
Genre: Childbirth, M/M, Multi, Pregnancy, Trans Alex, nb eliza, snapshots of life, straight fuckboy john laurens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-18 22:19:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9405488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/something_soft_and_soaked_in_pain/pseuds/something_soft_and_soaked_in_pain
Summary: how Eliza, John, and Alex fall in love.





	

**Author's Note:**

> title is from gone i'm gone by anaïs mitchell  
> this is unbeta'd so hard, lmao

Learning to exist with John and Alexander was a difficult process.   
Eliza loves both of them deeply and makes sure they never want for anything, but starting out with them hard. Meeting Alexander had been like wild, and meeting John was more of a softer feeling, like he was molded for their relationship. A missing piece clicked into place.

Angelica warns them before hand to stay away from the upstairs unless they want to be scarred for life, and tells them to come find her if they have any trouble.   
Eliza mills around with their drink, watching the people, when an argument breaks out. A boy passes by them, slung over someone's shoulder, still arguing with fervor.   
He's shouting obscenities at Angelica's friend Thomas, who is smirking and hurling insults just as fast. He stops when he sees them, looking at them curiously. He taps the person's shoulder who's holding him and they let him down cautiously.   
"Alex Hamilton. I don't believe we met." He says, Thomas all but forgotten.   
"We haven't. Eliza Schuyler." Eliza says, regarding the man before them. He's small, only an inch or two taller than they are, and dressed to impress.   
"Are you Angelica Schuyler's sister? I know her. Maybe she's mentioned me?" He says hopefully.  
"Sibling. She did mention a 'pretentious asshole who always argues with Thomas'." Eliza says.   
"Thomas Jefferson is a petty bag of dicks." He quips back, a lupine grin playing around the corners of his mouth.   
"He could say the same about you." Eliza says.  
"Could I take you out sometime?" Alex asks.  
"Of course." Eliza says. As he's putting his   
number into their phone, Eliza decides they'll give him a chance to impress them.   
The next day during Eliza's psych class, their phone lights up with a text from Alex.

_a.ham: coffee today??_

_liza schuy: sure!! i get out of class in 30_

  
Eliza's never been the type to trip over themself over boys, but Alex seems different. He has a charming sort of allure beneath his argumentative tendencies.   
They drink their coffee and talk, about philosophy, about their families, and everything else.   
Eliza mentions that they're nonbinary and Alex lights up. He talks at a length about his transition and how he's convinced Samuel Seabury is a haphazardly assembled pile of dirty socks masquerading as a college student, because no one can be that ignorant about social issues and be an empathetic human. Existing around the presence of Alexander Hamilton is interesting and maddening and Eliza is in love with the chaos of it. 

Alex asks them to be his partner after about a week of dates that-are-not-dates, when they go to the movies together. He's dissecting all the little facets of the movie, about the inaccurate science and how if the people really wanted to survive they would've done _this_ , and Eliza is a little bit in love with him. His stream of rambling goes quiet and Eliza turns back to him.   
"Wait, what did you say?" Eliza asks.   
"I asked if you wanted to be my partner." Alex repeats, quieter this time. Eliza nods their head in answer and he beams.   
"Best of partners, best of people." Alex says, kissing their forehead.  
They move in together after three months of dates-that-are-dates, and spending countless nights going the train ride and three blocks between their apartments. They compromise and lease a new place together, they both love the domesticity of it. Existing as more than toothbrushes in the bathroom and a drawer in the dresser is complicated, and so is consolidating all their things. First, Alex declares that Eliza has far too many succulents and they can't possibly all fit on their tiny fire escape garden. Then Alex's precious books that he's had for forever, are apparently too important for the bookshelf so he places them by the bed, a makeshift monument, that Eliza always hits their foot on.   
It isn't till they're arguing about what color to paint the walls, (Eliza's wants blue, Alexander wants green) that they realize how utterly and ridiculously mad they are about this. They pick up a brush full of green paint and lob it at Alexander's face. It hits him square in the face and he's shocked. He picks up the blue paint and throws some, and then they're having a full on paint war. It isn't until that they're covered in paint and they're laughing so hard they can't breathe. that Eliza realizes that they maybe want this for the rest of their life.   
The walls end up being a color that Alexander calls 'Compromise Cobalt With Hints of Green". Eliza loves it, (they love him) they realize, they're staring at the wall, feet propped in Alexander's lap when they voice it out loud. He pauses his rant on _how he could definitely fight off 1200 bees, just watch me Eliza_ , and looks at them.   
"Because I could potentially fight off an army of 1200 bees to defend your honor? Because I'm great in other ways too, I have like at least three skills." He says.   
"One of them not being able to fight off 1200 bees. I appreciate your dedication to fight everything though." Eliza says.   
"I love you." Alex says.   
"And I would fight at least three bees for you too." Eliza says.   
"Only three?" Alex asks, mock hurt in his voice.   
"Possibly four." Eliza says, unable to keep their grin at bay.   
"Even better." Alex says.

* * *

 

There's a storm within the first few months that they move in. Alex snaps between terrified and angry when Eliza tries to calm him down. They finally get fed up and push him down on the couch, holding his hands so he'll stay still.   
" _Alex_. Tell me what's wrong right now." Eliza says firmly.   
"It's nothing." He snaps, flinches when lighting strikes.   
"It's something. Tell me." Eliza says.   
He wrestles his hands out of Eliza's grip and presses his palms into his eyes.   
"There was a really bad storm when I was a kid. Nearly killed me." Alex says, he doesn't seem to notice the tears streaming down his face.   
"Listen. Breathe with me." Eliza says, pulling him gently against them so he can feel their chest rise and fall.   
"Breathe. Un, deux, trois. Breathe. Quatre, cinq, six. Breathe. Sept, huit, neuf. Breathe." They repeat the process until Alexander is calm enough to speak again.   
"I shouldn't be like this, I should be stronger than this. Kids are afraid of storms." Alex says hoarsely, his voice rough from crying.   
"You can't be strong all the time. That's why I'm here." Eliza says.   
"Best of partners, best of people." Alex says weakly.  
"Best of boyfriends, best of men." Eliza agrees.

* * *

 

They'd often talked about bringing a third person into their relationship, but never quite like John dropped into their lives.   
Eliza comes home one day and he's on their couch, ice pack on his eye and split lip, legs hung over a couch arm. Alexander is nursing his bruised cheek and knuckles.   
"Finally fought those 1200 bees?" Eliza asks, setting their keys on the counter. They kiss Alex's non bruised cheek and look at the stranger settled on their couch.   
"Fighting 1200 bees would've been better than what actually happened." Alex scoffs, and winces as he rolls his arm.   
"I think you broke my boyfriend, stranger." Eliza says. He looks up and grins at Eliza. He swings his legs over the couch arm and looks disgustingly pretty, even with his bloodied smile. His curly hair is swept over his forehead, deep brown eyes regarding Eliza.   
"Your boyfriend saved me. Sort of. John Laurens." He says. He extends his hand toward Eliza and they shake it.   
"Why don't we have dinner and you can tell me how my Alexander so valiantly saved you, John." Eliza says.   
They get to know each other over takeout and stories, and as it turns out, John Laurens is a reckless asshole. He would probably fight someone for half a bag of stale Doritos, but he's got a charming sort of wit and a crooked smile that makes Eliza's heart soften.   
After John leaves, Eliza lays into Alex for getting into a protest and then bringing a person he found home.   
"I know. He could've been a serial murder, or worse like an avid supporter of milk in tea, but he was cute." Alex says and his eyes shine in a way that says they'll be seeing a lot more of John around.   
Eliza and Alex both dance around the subject of dating him, taking him out on dates individually and then together, and individually again.  
"You're both useless gays. You can just ask me what you're dying to ask already." John says, exasperated.   
"Move in with us." Alex says resolutely.   
"Took you long enough." John says, his grin lighting up his face.   
"You were just as nervous as we were." Eliza says, knocking him in the arm.   
It isn't until John's helping take care of Alex after his top surgery, that Eliza realizes that they would like nothing more than to share the rest of these moments with him.

 

* * *

When John moves in the entire apartment shifts again. They buy a bigger bed and it's difficult to get used to a third presence in their shared space, but when Eliza lies between their two boys, Alex pressed against her back and John's soft snoring in their ear, they realize there's no place they'd rather be. They paint the bedroom walls a soft yellow, John's favorite. Living with John is messy, his sketches are left everywhere, His charcoal stained fingers leave smudges on the picture frames and Eliza's cheeks. They love him.   
They have their first fight three months after John moves in. He doesn't come home or contact them for three days straight, then turns up out of the blue, bruises fading into sickening yellows and purples on his face. He's disappeared like this before, but always calls and tells if he'll be home.  
"What the fuck happened?" Eliza is on him immediately, Alex following close behind.   
"Got arrested." He says simply. He pushes past them to grab some stray ibuprofen off the counter and swallows them dry.   
"You didn't call." Alex says, his voice tight.   
"They wouldn't let me. You know how it is." John says, he drapes his body on the couch, weariness setting heavy in his bones.   
"You don't get to do this." Eliza says, controlled anger in their voice. John looks at them lazily and cocks his head in question.   
"You don't get to come in here after _three fucking days_ of radio silence and get to pretend everything's okay. Now, _what the fuck happened_?"   
John sits up, his face stony.   
"I was walking past a protest and the cops were roughing up this kid. Couldn't of been more than fifteen. I snapped and pulled them off of them, and they arrested me. They were a bit rough when they slammed me on the ground." John says, gesturing to his face. Eliza goes to sit by John, and grips his face roughly. They know they're hurting him, but they want to get their point across.   
"Reckless boy. When you have a problem you come home. I admire how you helped that kid, but you could've been _killed_. And Alex and I would've never known where you'd been." Eliza says, grip unwavering. John nods his head solemnly and Eliza releases their hold.   
"Good boy."

* * *

 

Eliza has a pregnancy scare on their two year anniversary with John and Alex. They're moody and irritable for weeks, and then comes the nausea after that. Eliza knows it's not their usual personality disorder related mood swings, and buys a pregnancy test as soon as they can. It turns out to be a nasty stomach bug that they can't shake for two weeks. Alex dotes on them heavily, and Eliza let's him, they figure it's easier on his conscience than to fight with him about it.   
Eliza pulls both of them down into the bed and pulls them close.   
"We need to talk about where we go from here." Eliza says.   
"I wouldn't mind a baby." John says, surprising Eliza and Alex both. Alex shrugs noncommittally.   
"It's your body, 'Liza. You're the one who ultimately gets to decide if we actually try this time." Alex says.   
Eliza envisions a little boy or girl, with their hair and Alexander's personality and John's eyes. They beam.  
"It's obviously going to take a lot more planning than just voicing it out loud, but yeah, let's try." Eliza says.   
Alex insisted that before they start trying, they get married.   
"You don't have to marry me if course, you can marry John since it'll be his kid." Alex says, a faint trace of bitterness in his voice.   
"Don't be ridiculous, of course I'll marry you." Eliza says.   
"What am I to you then?" John asks.   
"A very good looking addition to our inevitable marriage." Eliza says, kissing his cheek.   
Eliza doesn't allow their wedding to be anything but perfect and entirely non-traditional. Angelica, Peggy, and Aaron Burr's wife Theodosia, serve as bridesmaids, while John, Aaron, and Hercules serve as groomsmen.   
Eliza finds the most formal androgynous clothing they can find, and Alex wears his best suit. They hold it in Eliza's parent's garden, anthuriums and peonies decorating the wedding arch.  
Alexander wrote a sonnet for them, in lieu of traditional vows, and Eliza says some vows inspired by Celtic ones that they adore the beauty of.   
Eliza pulls John up with them for their first dance, it's awkward, but they make it work. They shove cake in each other's faces and bask in the energy of each other.  
It's perfect.

* * *

 

"You are possibly the angriest person alive. Even angrier than Alex, which is saying a _lot_." John says.   
"BPD mood swings and pregnancy mood swings don't mix well, John." Eliza says, being pregnant fucking sucks. John pulls Eliza down into his lap and runs his hand over the soft swell of their growing baby bump.   
"I think it's gonna be a girl." John says.   
"Alex thinks so too. He wants to name her Eliza Jr., god knows why." Eliza scoffs.   
"She'll have a big name to live up to. I would've personally voted for something amazing but outlandish, like Johnathan Laurens Jr." John says.   
"Your full name isn't even Johnathan, you scrub. Speaking of, what would their last name be?" Eliza asks.   
"Eliza Schuyler-Hamilton-Laurens Jr. Is a nice name for our kid." John says.   
"They'll never be take seriously." Eliza says, pushing his shoulder.   
"If it's a girl how about Frances Schuyler Hamilton-Laurens? We use Schuyler as a middle name." John says.   
"Frances Hamilton-Laurens isn't a bad name. And for a boy?" Eliza asks.   
"Alexander Jr." John says, grinning.   
"You're going to make my husband cry at our first child's birth." Eliza says.   
"He was going to cry anyway, might as well get it out of the way first." John says.   
Eliza has their baby a week ahead of time. They're cursing both Alex and John's names in the delivery room, at the top of their lungs.   
All their pain is worth it in the end in the form of Alexander Philip Hamilton, born kicking, already too much like his namesake.   
Being parents softens them all, and suits them well. They're all a mess at first, Alex doesn't know how to hold Philip properly, John sings old inappropriate rock songs to him when he's upset and crying, and Eliza is protective to the point of smothering.   
They learn and adjust, and when Eliza is lying exhausted with Philip sleeping on their chest with Alex and John on either side, they realize they wouldn't trade this for anything.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed it!!!  
> comments fuel me to write more   
> i'm on tumblr @balaga


End file.
